Top 10 ways to “workout” your Initmacy Muscles
Last night I facilitated an Intimacy Boot Camp Workshop at the wonderful Pisces Restaurant in San Francisco for the Golden Gate Mother's Club Members. It was VERY exciting and as always when I get together with parents; SO revealing to see the constant challenges and struggles we all face to stay in-love, in-communication and in-marriage!
When prompted with questions like, "What made you FIRST fall in love with your partner" and "What qualities do you most enjoy about you partner BEFORE AND AFTER having children with them" I saw the conflicts of a stressed out life with work, kids, bills, worry, etc. fade away and young lovers in love s l o w l y emerge...
Couples communicating about what they REALLY want, need, expect and wish from their partners and in turn their partners responding and asking the same right back from them.
It's never easy to candidly ASK for what you want or need in a relationship and hold to it but these couples started the process last night over a romantic dinner and with loving guidance and support. For those of you who attended GOOD WORK and keep it up...
My FAVORITE moment of the evening was when one of the male participants turned to me in shock said, "It's hard to believe but you do really have to schedule time for your partner when you've got young children. We take the simple things for granted but...you've got to! Plan for date night. Plan for Intimacy. Plan to connect once a day" This is what I hear everywhere I go and talk about the Boot Camp and this is what I think really works...just like any goal or dream if you don't plan for it - it will not happen!
For the couples who asked me to list all the 10 Boot Camp Steps here they are again for you and I hope you'll ALL comment here to share your thoughts about last night and how it affected you. Your words will help other couples!!
- Go on a weekly date with just your partner. (No kids allowed) Ideas: This can be a meal out, a walk, a hike, a cup of tea, or you can export the kids and have it at home. But you must be alone with your mate once a week for at least an hour.
- Apply the 15 minute rule. You must talk to your partner for 15 minutes EVERY DAY in person, uninterrupted without the kids around, no texting, no calls. And the conversation can not be about the kids, money !or unpaid bills. And you each get 7 1/2 minutes. (If you are apart due to business, skyping is acceptable with no kids nearby.)
- Compliment your partner DAILY: You must say something positive or it can even just be a "Thank You" statement daily.
- Have a WEEKLY sex date -- even if you really, really don't want to. Schedule it on your calendar and you both need to honor the sex date time and place.
- French Kiss your mate WEEKLY. (The kiss needs to last more than 7 seconds.)
- Flash each other once a day -- even for 2 seconds.
- Hug for more than 60 seconds DAILY.
- Offer a sexual favor or trade once every 4 weeks during this 4 week regimen. Maybe a clean kitchen for ... well, that's up to you. But make the offer.
- Dance together ONCE a week. In the house, out of the house, in the garage, but move together in a sensual way to music.
- Plan one 24-hour getaway per year away from the house and the kids. If you can't afford a hotel, plan camping or a house trade with a friend without kids.
Make Love and Have a Happy and Fabulous Valentine's Day!
